Light Chasing

Oh my god I have to figure this out and pull myself together or shit is going to get worse, and I just can’t be sick. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

Anonymous: YEEAAAAA BUDDY.. did you go to TUMBLRMARKETING(.)COM yet? FREE STUFF YEEAAAAAA

whatever

She called.

Heading over there in about an hour.

But I don’t have a good feeling. Maybe because I am so tired and sore and bummed and distraught.

In French, you don’t really say “I miss you.” You say “tu me manques,” which is closer to “you are missing from me.” I love that. “You are missing from me.” You are a part of me, you are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you.

(Source: timorleste, via ohmygahdsame)

I just called about a house for rent that would be PERFECT for me. I could walk to work, there are three bedrooms, a yard, walking distance to the pool for the kids, cheaper than what I am paying for this dump.

I left a message on a cell phone. I hate people who have their kids leave the message. It’s so annoying.

I also just realized who owns the house. This woman who I worked with years ago who did NOT like me. At all. And I pretty much like everyone, and I get along with everyone, but this woman is a total bitch.

When Grace was a baby I had an interview and SHE WAS THERE witnessing the interview. I knew I wasn’t going to get the job because she inexplicably hates me, and as I was leaving the office, I actually heard her say, “I’m a little concerned because…”

She couldn’t even wait until I was out of the room before starting in on why they shouldn’t hire me. I never even got a phone call.

She is not going to call me back now. There’s no way.

Fuck.

Had lunch at the park with my kids and my mom. It was a beautiful day. Bought Grace a dresser at a garage sale for $30. Fantasized about moving back to my hometown.

When we got home, I borrowed the weed whacker from my ex’s garage without his permission and whacked the weeds around the house. It wasn’t heavy, and it wasn’t hard work, but now my arm doesn’t work right. My fingers barely move.

And now all of the kids are at the movie theater and I am home alone. That is the one thing I would miss about living here.

I hurt everywhere. I am exhausted. I am depressed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Lost in Translation is on instant Netflix now. Time to watch it.